4/10/12 - Being in close quarters with someone just like you...

Well, it's been a week today since we've been inpatient and things are still going GREAT!  She hasn't had any reactions or side effects to the chemo so far.  It took 2 weeks our last time in for side effects to start but the effects we were looking for haven't happened so far and I'm praying they don't start!  Dr. Cooper and Colleen both saw her today and said still no changes and she's looking great.  The place on her arm where the PICC used to be is starting to heal up.  It looked so bad, poor baby.  She said it didn't hurt or itch.  It just looked worse that it was.  Dr. Cooper also said that they aren't going to check her triglycerides anymore for a while.  He is certain that the ATRA is what makes them crazy so they are going to wait and check it again sometime after she's done taking it for this round.  Counts are still going down...slowly.  Haylee had to start wearing a mask every time she leaves her room.  She put on one of those yellow paper masks, but Colleen said those weren't good enough so they brought her in her famous blue ones.  She likes those better anyway!
The therapy dogs were supposed to come today at 10:30 but never showed up.  Haylee was really bummed about that because she looks forward to them coming.  Adam came to visit, we all 3 had lunch together courtesy of CURE, and she went to school from 12:30-2pm.  Danielle came by and took her down to The Voice for a little while.  Kim came to visit and brought Haylee back upstairs with her.  We all played Yahtzee together (Haylee stomped us!) and had dinner.  It was a nice visit and Kim promised to bring Skyler next time. 
It's apparent Haylee's feeling good...she's exhibiting signs that she is still a normal, 9 year old girl.  Those signs are (in case anybody was wondering): being chatty, having a smart mouth, talking back, attitude problems, and being whiny and pouty!  Haylee and I are so much alike at her age and mine that it's scary.  She acts just like me - she's me made over.  I love my daughter.  I would move mountains for her and gladly take her place if it meant that she was in perfect health and not having to go through all she has, is and will go through.  But being in close quarters with her 24 hours a day, everyday...well, it's not always going to be peaches and cream when it comes to us getting along.  We just clash hard sometimes and I hate it.  She gets so bored and takes it out on me. We feel trapped sometimes and it irritates me that we only have so much we can do and so when she gets snippy, I get snippy back.  We apologize to each other and then do it again later and then apologize...it's a vicious cycle.  We had one of those kinds of days today.  I start to feel guilty for getting irritated with her and getting onto her for things. I know days like these are going to happen and I should even expect them but it doesn't make them any easier to deal with.  Even though we didn't get along all that great today, we ended it on a good note...happy and together :)

I heard a song tonight with a really good chorus.  It made me think of how Adam and I felt when we first got the news about Haylee and what we've had to do to get to the point we are at in dealing with it:

"You find your faith has been lost and shaken
You take back what's been taken
Get on your knees and dig down deep
You can do what you think is impossible
Keep on believing, don't give in
It'll come and make you whole again
It always will, it always does
Love is unstoppable"


WBC - 3460 (they went up from yesterday)
HGB - 11.5
Platelets - 196K
ANC - 1450
SEGs - 42